Be still my beating heart. He is growing so much in the seconds that I blink — please slow down little baby Deacon. I have been guilty of wishing away the hard early stages of Deacon’s life because let’s just face it… The newborn stage is tough. Last night (while I was washing what seemed like a million bottles at 12a.m.) I realized I wasn’t keeping up with my end of the bargain, it was actually more than a bargain.
I was not honoring the resolution I signed a couple of years back. I glanced at the very first statement on the list — “I do solemnly resolve before God to embrace my current season of life and live with a spirit of contentment.” I realized that The Lord doesn’t expect me to be excited and thrilled about sleep deprivation or a trying 3 almost 4 year old who just realized he is not the only child receiving attention anymore — I am resolving to embrace this stage in my life. It is sometimes painful but it is quick.
The Lord does not want me to be so frustrated and yearning for the later years that I miss the first smiles and sounds. I have already raised a child to the age of almost 4 and it only seems like yesterday that my sweet tiny baby Jackson was coming home from the hospital to some very undeserving parents. In those first few days I remember looking at my husband and just crying at Jackson’s beauty and thanking him and the Lord for this amazing gift. Once we settled in and the newness wore off, I let Satan creep in and allowed my stress level to raise and take over. I am once again seeing myself reach that point now having my new baby home. I cannot go down this road of guilt and stress again, and I don’t have to.
The Lord knows and understands our stresses and worries and He will take care of them in His perfect way. I’m now realizing the Lord doesn’t want me to miss the “mommy you’re home! I want you to read me a book!” as soon as I walk in the door from a 2 hour kids free grocery shopping break… (Yes these things come along with a crying infant and a sometimes hateful 3 year old.) But, I must choose to focus on the good parts in this blessing of a life because that’s what it truly is; a blessing.
I love these two boys so much more than my heart can even bear. Now it’s time for me to embrace the bad and the good because I know that I am going to miss it. In a matter of what will seem like seconds I’m going to be attending their graduations and weddings. They are going to get so big that I can’t hold them anymore. So for right now, in my exhaustion and frustration, I’m going to rejoice in the Lord for these two little boys and my wonderful husband (who helps me more than most).
I’m going to embrace this season of life.